Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize