if i can run in heels then i can drive
kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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