So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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