You made me cry and you don't even care
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
