We're like a lot better than the average bears
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
