The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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