I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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