What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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