I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
