i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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