you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
