Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
