I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
