so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize