I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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