OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
