I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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