My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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