he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
