somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
