You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
