Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
