I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
