I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
