Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
