My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
