You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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