i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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