I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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