remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
