Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
