If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
