Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
