How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
