I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You took a bar mat shot.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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