How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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