So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
