grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
