i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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