Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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