Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
