We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
