The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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