i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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