so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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