I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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