How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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