Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
