You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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