Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
