I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
