Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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