Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
