i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
