he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
