I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
