i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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