So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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