I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
