My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The best revenge is premature balding
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
