my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
