how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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