the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
