Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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