if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dignity is for republicans.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
