Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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