All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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