she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
