Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
