Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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